The Wrong That Doesn't Pull You Down
by jls62113
Summary: Rick's anxiety over what Negan's future plans for him come to a head. He will take Negan down, but he has a family to think of. A one shot that doesn't help my anxiety waiting for TWD season 7 premier.


**The Wrong That Pulls You Down**

Rick stood in the hot shower facing the wall. He had the battery powered stereo at a medium volume so that the music mixed with the shower would drown out the sound of him crying. He didn't want to let his family know how he really felt about what Negan would put them through in the future. He wasn't afraid of the man, he was afraid for his family.

The thought of that madman anywhere near his family made him sick to his stomach. Until Negan's demands were known, besides half of everything, Rick's hands were tied as to what he would do to stop him.

"Are you okay? You've been in there for almost 30 minutes." Michonne called from the bedroom.

He cleared his throat and inhaled deeply before answering.

"Yeah." He called back trying to sound more tired than anything else. He knew there would be no way to fool her, but he didn't want her to know about his fear.

He turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. He dried his body and then used the towel to wipe the steamed up mirror. Even though he had gotten used to looking at himself in a mirror again, he could not get over how much older he looked just in 2 short years. Scars, stress lines, greying hair, and a near vacant look in his eyes, and on top of that swollen eyes and a red face from crying. He reached over and turned the radio off and finished drying off. He turned off the bathroom light, and walked into the dark bedroom hoping to hide from her how truly torn he felt.

"What took you so long?" Michonne asked watching him walk across the darkened room to his side of the bed.

"I actually sat down in there and started to doze off. The hot water felt good." He got into bed and lay down on his back.

Something wasn't right Michonne thought trying to make out his features in the dark. Every night since they got together, he would kiss her and playfully encircle his finger with one of her locks no matter how difficult the day had been, and besides, he sounded stuffy and she knew he didn't have a cold. She reached over him and turned on his lamp. He lay an arm across his face, and wished he had rolled over onto his side.

Michonne moved his arm from his face. His blue eyes were bloodshot and around his eyes was swollen. He looked in her eyes, and her look changed from curiosity to concern and she softened.

"If I told you nothing was wrong would you believe me?"

She did not answer as she looked at him, wondering what could reduce him to tears.

"I didn't think so." He said rolling over onto his side facing her.

She ran her fingers through his damp curls, touched her forehead to his, and decided to wait until he told her what was wrong. He put an arm around her and drew her close. Tears ran from his eyes, and onto the pillow. He knew she was waiting, and that talking to her would somehow help work it all out, but this was not about being encouraged in what he should do, but what he was planning to do. In this situation, he didn't need encouragement from her, which she was particularly good at, he just needed her and she was there, with him and for him.

"I'm afraid Michonne." He said quietly.

"Of Negan?"

"No, not of him. I'm afraid for you and the children. I don't know how far he'll go to get to me, and I'm afraid of how far I will go if he lays one hand on you, Carl or Judith."

"What are you thinking?" She said flatly.

"I'm going to get him, but I don't want to put my family in danger. The plan I'm working on is going to take time. I need more information than I had when we attacked those saviors. I have to do this right because it can't come back on us, not again."

"Are you going to kill him?"

"I don't know yet."

"What can I do?"

"Besides everything?"

They lay so close together she could feel his smile.

"Keep the children close. Carl is growing up and formulating his own ways to deal with this. I can't stop him if he goes after Negan. I have to let go of the son I was protecting, and respect the man he's becoming. I can't protect him very much anymore, but I am going to talk to him about this man, and if he goes after him, he better not miss."

"I'll talk to him too."

"I have to be the one to stop him though. It's my fault this got stirred up, but I can't afford to feel guilty about it anymore."

"No you can't. He would have come for us eventually."

"Yeah, you're right. Morgan told me once that there is no right anymore, just the wrong that doesn't pull you down. I'm not sure what kind of man I'm going to be after this. I don't intend for what I have to do pull me down either, but the boundaries of how far I go seems to expand every time I have to deal with one of these egotistical bastards who never learned to play well with others."

Michonne smiled to herself because he was strong and focused. Not doubting himself. He knew what he was going to do and was confident. Not like before, thinking he was invincible, but well aware of his strengths as well as his limitations.

"I agree with what Morgan said. There is no right anymore, we've tried to live right. The things we've had to do to survive, what we've given up."

"It may come to that again, but we live, we survive. Do you understand?" He said sternly.

Rick lifted his head and the look he gave Michonne was severe enough to make her sit up.

"Yes, I understand."

"Whatever it takes Michonne. I don't want to lose you or Judith ever."

"Carl?"

"I lost him a long time ago. Carl is a man. He's at that age of maturity where he doesn't need his father anymore."

"He still needs you." Michonne said wiping a tear from her eye."

"No, he doesn't. He loves me, I have no doubt of that, but he has his own mind. A quickly maturing mind."

Rick took a ragged breath and rolled over onto his back.

"I still remember when he was born. I was so happy and proud. He was going to be so much more than I was. He stopped being a kid when Carol's daughter went missing, and within the same week he got shot. Sometimes I feel he's more mature than I am. I love him, and I want only good things for him, but in this world it's hard to recognize that anymore."

He sat up and glanced over at Judith on the monitor. He leaned against the headboard and tears once again flowed from his eyes.

"Sometimes I feel like an old man. I feel like I've been running around in a maze and dragging all of you with me, and I want it to stop. I want a quiet life with you."

"Not yet, maybe not ever, but we do what we can with what we have now."

He looked at her and nodded. She moved to sit opposite from him.

"Make love to me Rick."

The sincerity of her request for what he so freely and generously gives her was felt in his heart. She did need him. This wasn't merely a physical need, but a need to touch again the closeness that renewed itself every time they looked in each other's eyes. Nothing else needed to be said.

They lived for evenings like this where everything in their world was perfect. What was going on outside meant nothing in this moment; it would still be there when they got back to it, but for now it was just the two of them, and this incredible love that was right, in this world gone wrong.


End file.
